The Merriam-Webster online dictionary defines lost as, “not knowing where you are or how to get to where you want to go : unable to find your way”.
When I first meet someone new our casual conversation usually leads to the question, “what are you doing with your life?” My current response usually includes these details: in May I graduated from college, left home to work in Malawi for three months, and now I find myself working as au pair in France for a year. Depending on whom I am talking to their reactions can vary. If they are older than me usually, 30s and above, there is always an awkward pause and then they say something like “oh so what are actually doing with your life?” I sigh. If the acquaintance is a fellow twenty something she or he usually has a very different reaction, it is more of an unspoken understanding like oh yeah I know what you mean I have no clue where my life is headed either. Honestly I am surprised more “adults” aren’t supportive of the typical life of us twenty somethings, I mean you were our age once (in case you forgot).
Anyway like I was saying, most of my good friends are in their twenties so lately a lot of my talks with them have centered around being lost in the game of life. Many of us seem to be trying to navigate the waters between who we are and who we want to be. All of this has got me pondering what do I think it means to be lost.
Lost in place.
As my recent days are spent traveling foreign lands and I very often find myself lost in place. I wander around in unknown cities down timeworn streets with no real destination in mind. I love these days where I get to adventure to a new place and on my own time with no schedule. My mind becomes free from worry, stress, and obligations and just floats to a place of explorer’s bliss. I soak in surrounding sounds, smells, and sights. When I am lost somewhere I discover things I may not have come across before. When I go looking for something somewhere I tend to miss out on all those things that make that place special. I find that getting lost in a place is the only authentic way to discover it. Getting lost is also one of the reasons I love traveling so much.
Lost in love.
Whether it is love for a friend, family, or that particular person everyone at least once has felt lost in love (if you haven’t yet you will). Love typically makes us all do and say crazy things. When I find myself really in love with another I will do whatever I can to keep them in my life, simply for the fact that having them around makes my life worth living. Sometimes I find that people I love will leave, but that doesn’t change my love for them. After they are gone I can’t help but feel lost in love. I try to carry on with life but without them things will just never be the same. Loosing someone is painful, confusing, frustrating, and mainly just sad. The emotions that come with loosing someone I love can be so overwhelming, so suffocating, and those are the moments when I feel completely lost. I realize love is life’s most precious gift and feeling lost will always be apart of it, but that doesn’t always make it easy.
“Perhaps the feelings that we experience when we are in love represent a normal state. Being in love shows a person who she should be.”
Lost in life.
In today’s society there is a lot of external pressure to make something of yourself and to succeed (whatever that actually means). At my age everyone seems to be waiting for me to make my next “big move” towards success, a move I am absolutely not ready for. For the majority of my life I went to school, did my work, and got grades. School is really the only thing I know how to do well. So now here I am finished with school (maybe) and not a clue what to do now. It is exciting and also really terrifying knowing that I can do whatever I want next. I think that is why sometimes I feel so lost in life. On one hand I have society insisting I need to either go back to school or get a good job and eventually settle down with a family, and on the other hand I just want to be happy. Sometimes I feel so lost in life because I realize my happiness doesn’t always coincide with society’s formula for a successful life. There are nights I don’t sleep and days I can’t get out of bed because I feel so lost in my life. On these days I reach out to those few people who know exactly what to say and remind me to breathe because everything will be okay. When it comes down to it I know at some point I will realize who I am and what I want to do with the rest of my life, but for now I will continue to float around figuring it all out.
So here is what I have come to realize during all my time spent being lost. It is OK to be lost, to not know whom you are, to not know where you will go next, and to not know who you will be tomorrow. Being lost doesn’t have to have a negative connotation; rather it should have a positive one. Part of the beauty of life is being lost and embracing it. If you are lost don’t fret and don’t obsess about finding your way, rather let life take you on your journey and relish every moment. Sometimes you have to be lost to find your way. I promise eventually you will be found; you just have to love the life you live. So simple yet so significant.
So, lately I have been thinking being lost isn’t such a bad thing. After all who really wants to be found anyway? I mean what evens comes after that…
we travel, some of us forever. 
Being lost is the probably the only constant in life. The most enlightened thing we can do is embrace it, as you have.
I’m sure you know this T.S. Eliot quote:
“We shall not cease from exploration, and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time.”
But I bet you don’t know this sufi parable:
“Moths gathered in a fluttering throng one night
To learn the truth about the candle’s light,
And they decided one of them should go
To gather news of the elusive glow.
One flew till in the distance he discerned
A palace window where a candle burned–
And went no nearer; back again he flew
To tell the others what he thought he knew.
The mentor of the moths dismissed his claim,
Remarking: “He knows nothing of the flame.”
A moth more eager than the one before
Set out and passed beyond the palace door.
He hovered in the aura of the fire,
A trembling blur of timorous desire,
Then headed back to say how far he’d been,
And how much he had undergone and seen.
The mentor said: “You do not bear the signs
Of one who’s fathomed how the candle shines.”
Another moth flew out–his dizzy flight
Turned to an ardent wooing of the light;
He dipped and soared, and in his frenzied trance
Both Self and fire were mingled by his dance–
The flame engulfed his wing-tips, body, head;
His being glowed a fierce translucent red;
And when the mentor saw that sudden blaze,
The moth’s form lost within the glowing rays,
He said: “He knows, he knows the truth we seek,
That hidden truth of which we cannot speak.”
To go beyond all knowledge is to find
That comprehension which eludes the mind,
And you can never gain the longed-for goal
Until you first outsoar both flesh and soul;
But should one part remain, a single hair
Will drag you back and plunge you in despair–
No creature’s Self can be admitted here,
Where all identity must disappear.”
I feel like most people find this embracing of the inherent limits in place and understanding to be a depressing outlook on life as nothingness. But one need not swell on the negatives.
Remember what Ingmar Bergman wrote: “But feel, to the very end, the triumph of being alive!”
L – lots of life to live
0 – opportunity
S – still searching
T – time to figure it all out
You amaze me. Momma
“Not all who wander are lost” 🙂